


The Vulnerability Of Seeing The Boy You Love Underwater

by salemnities



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, OH GOD OH FUCK, Oneshot, listen to sufjan stevens the wasp of the pallisades is out to get us while u read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 02:20:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20538548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salemnities/pseuds/salemnities
Summary: There’s a vulnerability about seeing the boy you love underwater, and him seeing you.





	The Vulnerability Of Seeing The Boy You Love Underwater

**Author's Note:**

> do you ever yearn?

Adam woke with a jolt. Someone was knocking rapidly on his door. He squeezed his eyes shut again, hoping he was dreaming, but moments later he was crawling out of bed and pulling on a shirt. 

"Ronan." 

Ronan breezed past Adam, yanked his boots off and pulled his singlet over his head before flopping down on Adam's mattress. He moved easily, but Adam detected a faux confidence beneath the casual movements, the way he settled back into Adam’s thin pillow in the dim moonlight. His returning grin when Adam smiled wryly at him was the only genuine thing about him tonight. 

"But of course, you're welcome to stay the night," Adam said sarcastically, relocking the door and fumbling his way through the dark to the bed. "Move over to the other side." 

It was something of a ritual at this point, Ronan staying over. He didn't always arrive at four in the morning, but this wasn't the first time he'd chosen such an inopportune hour. To be completely honest, Adam wouldn't care if he showed up this early every morning. Feeling Ronan's skin warm against his was all the compensation he needed. 

"Christ, your feet are cold," Ronan muttered as Adam laced their legs together. "Jesus, Parrish." 

Ronan's arm snaked around Adam's waist. It was an unacknowledged thing, their sleeping situation. They would hold each other close, close enough to feel each breath, each heartbeat, and then they'd let go once their day began. 

Adam fell asleep to the sensation of Ronan's fingers grazing his. 

*

Mid-morning sun streamed into the apartment - another hour and the room would turn damp and dark and cold once the sun had passed its peak, but for now it felt like the greatest luxury in the world, especially with Ronan's face pressed against his shoulder. Adam let him lie there for a few minutes longer before elbowing him in the side. 

"Lynch. I'm fucking hungry. Wake up so we can make breakfast."

Ronan barely stirred, only pressing farther into Adam. 

"Ronan," Adam tried again. "C'mon. I don't work today, and I don't want to waste the sunshine when I can finally enjoy it." 

It took a while more coaxing, but Ronan eventually woke, blinking sleep from his eyes. Adam loved seeing him like this, all soft and sweet before he dressed himself in his best moody and aloof shell. Adam tickled him to prompt him to get up and Ronan yelped a sharp laugh, scrabbling to get a hold of Adam's hands. They lay facing each other for a few, tense moments, finger interlaced, before Ronan shoved Adam off the bed with his knees. 

Adam's cupboards were stocked mainly with boxes of pasta and tinned vegetables, but together they scrounged up enough ingredients to make omelets. The two of them sat on Adam's bed to eat. Ronan shoved Adam's shoulder with his own. 

"You said you're not working today?" he asked through a mouthful of egg. 

Adam nodded. "The stars aligned, or something, and I have no shifts today. Thought I'd spend it outside."

"Let's go to the river, then," Ronan said. "We can take a picnic."

Adam had expected Ronan to fuck off after they ate - his usual routine after staying the night - not come up with an itinerary. Something felt…off. Not wrong, but like Ronan was acting slightly different than usual. "Which river?" 

Ronan didn't know its name, only knew how to get there, so they finished eating, hurriedly did the dishes (only by Adam’s insistence. Ronan would have been happy to let the roaches at them,) and raced each other downstairs to the BMW.

They stopped at the supermarket for Ronan to buy some picnic food - an entire rotisserie chicken, jello cups, muffins, and a carton of strawberries. Adam raised his eyebrows so high he worried they'd disappear into his hair. 

It was a nice drive. Ronan let Adam choose the music for once, and there was something unspeakably peaceful about driving through the sunlit forest with the speakers softly humming with Frank Ocean's voice. It was so different from what they normally did together; doing doughnuts in empty parking lots, riding shopping carts down hills, crawling around in the space between the roof and the ceiling in Monmouth looking for whatever. It felt like Ronan was letting his rough shell slip a little. 

The river, when they reached it, was beautiful. The bank was sandy and lined with shrubs of wild lavender and rosemary, vines of jasmine twisted in and out of every empty space. The water was clear, and most importantly, there were rocks jutting out from the opposite side to jump in from. Adam and Ronan leapt out of the car, strewing their shirts across the bank as they fought to be the first to the rocky outcrop. They clambered over one another and leapt in virtually simultaneously, landing in the freezing water and sinking like stones.

Seeing Ronan underwater was something magical. His hair was growing out of his most recent buzzcut and his curls were presenting again, floating in the water like a dark halo. Ronan caught his eye and laughed, a torrent of bubbles escaping from his mouth. He reached out to Adam and they swam to the surface together. 

There’s a vulnerability about seeing the boy you love underwater, and him seeing you. Adam gasped for air as they breached the surface of the water, laughed, gripped Ronan’s shoulders. Ronan looked properly happy now, like whatever had driven him to spend the night with Adam had lost its significance. 

They ate the chicken, tearing it apart with their fingers and getting juice down their arms, something that Adam would usually abhor but felt natural here. Ronan produced a bottle of (slightly warm) hard cider from his car, which Adam refused at first on the basis that they still had to drive home, but Ronan insisted they’d be out long enough for the alcohol to have left their systems. Adam wasn’t sure that was true, but he caved anyway. They lay on the grainy sand with their feet in the cool riverwater and looked at the clouds and touched shoulders and talked about Portal 2 which neither of them had played but had witnessed Noah play countless hours of. They took turns taking swigs of the cider and wordlessly played chicken, the touch of their fingers lingering longer and longer on one another’s each time they handed over the bottle. 

“What happened last night?” Adam asked as Ronan drank the last dregs. 

Ronan took a while to answer, fiddling with the label. “I had a nightmare. That’s all.”

Adam propped himself up on his elbow. He placed a hand on Ronan’s sun-hot shoulder. “Do you need to talk about it?”

“It doesn’t help,” Ronan said, turning his head the other way. “Sorry. I just needed to be away from Monmouth for a bit, and…” he turned his head back to meet Adam’s eyes. “It’s good, with you. You make me feel safe.” 

Adam’s heart fluttered and he unconsciously leaned a little closer, close enough to see the grains of sand dried on Ronan’s cheek, the slight flush from the cider, his slightly-chapped lips. 

“I feel safe with you, too,” he said. “And I’m always happy for you to come to me.”

Ronan leaned his head against Adam’s forearm, breathed deeply. The air smelled of sunscreen and wildflowers and riverwater. Ronan’s hand was cool when it touched Adam’s jaw and his breath hot on Adam’s cheek as he drew him in closer. 

The kiss lasted forever and it lasted only a millisecond. It was sweet with cider and strawberries and it was a little sloppy and a little clumsy. Ronan giggled as they pulled apart and it was so unexpected that Adam started laughing too, and they collapsed into each other, Ronan’s arms holding Adam to his chest, and when the laughter subsided, Adam kissed  Ronan again, quickly, and Ronan kissed him back, and then they had to stop to take a breather. 

“Did you know?” Ronan asked him. “That I’m gay?”

“Uh, yes,” Adam replied. “You have cowboy boots, Ro.” 

Ronan snorted, then quickly sobered. “I didn’t know about you. I kinda thought you only tolerated me because of Gansey.” 

“Ronan…”

Ronan met his eyes reluctantly, sheepish look on his face. Adam reached for his hand, took it in his, raised it to his lips and kissed it.

“Ronan, I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you the moment I discovered you’re not just a grumpy hermit,” (Ronan laughed at this.) “You’re my best friend and this,” he squeezed Ronan’s hand, “is all I want.” He let go of Ronan’s hand and lay his own hand against Ronan’s cheek instead, brushing sand from it. “I know you’re an all or nothing kinda guy, Lynch. And I’m all in.”

Ronan kissed him then, open mouthed and full of want. Adam’s heart pounded in his chest and he pressed into the kiss until he felt like he was drowning in it. He let himself die and be resurrected in Ronan’s embrace.

The sun had gone from the sky and the air was cooling. They gathered their trash and uneaten jello cups and piled it all into the backseat of the BMW. Despite their intimate conversation, there was an awkwardness to the whole ordeal. Ronan played Murder Squash as they drove back to Henrietta and they both sang along until it felt normal again. 

“Wanna stay at Monmouth tonight?” Ronan asked as they pulled onto the main street. “Gans would love to have you.”

“Yeah, ok,” Adam said. “I’d like that.” He reached over the clutch and took Ronan’s hand. “Should we get something for dinner?”

“Nah, it’s Friday. Gansey will be cooking.” 

Adam still questioned the hygiene of the Monmouth kitchen/bathroom, but was well enough used to it to accept that the dishes were washed with handsoap. 

They idled in the carpark outside Monmouth for a moment to sit in silence and then, for Ronan to unbuckle himself and lean over to kiss Adam. “I love you. Thank you for today.”

Adam smiled against Ronan’s cheek. “I’m happy to profess my love for you any day.”

They went inside. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i dont edit, so sorry for any clunkiness or whatever..hopefully it's legible at least  
a playlist for this fic: [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1E1kLczbB7mxwiOLZjckOJ?si=BtO0RG0nQkOJWJaWxX6utA)  
my tumblr: [boygirlish](https://boygirlish.tumblr.com/)


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